IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that in order to solve trafic and transportation problems people should be encouraged to live in citeies rather than in suburbs or in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, congestion is the most concerning problem in every society.
While
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 many people find the solution to traffic problems in exhorting people to move to urban areas from rural ones, I believe that increasing the population of urban is not a proper way to deal with
this
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 problem.
To begin
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, encouraging the folks to leave their land might cause several obstacles,
such
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 as a lack of parking places and job opportunities downtown.
Therefore
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, the rising population might increase the unemployment level, and
instead
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 of decreasing transport congestion or motivating the community to use public transportation, increasing the number of individuals
as well as
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 vehicles might lead to unresolvable problems.
For instance
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, in Turkey, most individuals tend to migrate to a metropolis, particularly Istanbul, with the hope of having better living standards.
In contrast
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, they are disappointed in not finding any workplace, and at the same time, as the citizens tend to use their private cars in most cases rather than public transport, it is a foregone conclusion that the crowd in parking places will hit up.
Secondly
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, the migration of locals might threaten planting and farming
in other words
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 agricultural industry.
Therefore
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, it is obvious that the main cities depend on the countryside in terms of food supply. In these circumstances, a destructive decrease in crop production might cause extra expenditures for the country. To illustrate, in Turkey, in the
last
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 3 years, food prices have gone up by 25% because of
such
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 uncontrollable migration to downtown areas.
Consequently
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, as the production was not sufficient to supply the metropolises with food, the government was obliged to allocate a large amount of its budget to provide it from abroad. In conclusion, despite the claims that motivating locals to leave their land can tackle the congestion issues, I strongly believe that the huge number of humans flowing from rural areas to metropolises will increase the unemployment level and will affect the countries' budget negatively in the long term.

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task response
The essay addresses the task question with a clear stance and relevant examples, providing a comprehensive response. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, with appropriate progression of ideas. However, there is scope for improvement in providing a more developed introduction and conclusion to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of lexical resources effectively. However, some sentences could be rephrased to enhance the lexical diversity and sophistication.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is mostly accurate, with a good command of complex structures. However, some sentences could be revised to improve clarity and precision, particularly in the use of conjunctions and sentence structures.
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