IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care other say that walking and jumping stairs are more affective. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is argued that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals believe it is the most effective way to go to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 and clubs to care about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
others
Use synonyms
 prefer to walk and
jump starts
Add a hyphen
jump-starts
show examples
 because of being more beneficial for their
health
Use synonyms
. In my mind that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sides can be more useful and better if
people
Use synonyms
 use
correctly
Correct pronoun usage
it correctly
show examples
 to improve their
health
Use synonyms
. The essay will be discussed both of the points and provided relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Today there are numerous
people
Use synonyms
utilize
Correct pronoun usage
who utilize
show examples
 modern sports equipment to enhance their
health
Use synonyms
 and to be strong.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they would rather attend the gyms and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to be well-being. Indeed every person wants to be
good
Change preposition
in good
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 condition.
For example
Linking Words
, we know that there are all kinds of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities in cities and
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 because some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to
work
Use synonyms
 out alone.
Firstly
Linking Words
, They prefer to do exercises
together with
Linking Words
 someone.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they think that it is interesting and handy when they
work
Use synonyms
 out to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fit
together with
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
show examples
 they are not bored with doing exercises.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
others
Use synonyms
 would rather walk and jump starts to improve their
fit
Replace the word
fitness
show examples
. They make an attempt to go to
work
Use synonyms
 on foot or jump a long distance of the stairs
although
Linking Words
 they have a lift in their apartment.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my relatives never
utilize
Change the verb form
utilizes
show examples
 his car
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
a public transport
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
. Always he prefer to attend to his
work
Use synonyms
 on foot. Because he thinks that it helps him to improve his
health
Use synonyms
 and environment.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
somes
Correct your spelling
some
 like to attend to gym and clubs to care about their condition.
While
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 would like to go on foot and leap
staircase
Correct article usage
the staircase
show examples
 to be fitness. In my opinion, if
people
Use synonyms
 use correctly both of sides it can help them to improve their
health
Use synonyms
.

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