IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care other say that walking and jumping stairs are more affective. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #gym #clubs #health #care #stairs #affective
It is argued that some
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals believe it is the most effective way to go to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 and clubs to care about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health
.
Conversely
,
others
 prefer to walk and
jump starts
Add a hyphen
jump-starts
show examples
 because of being more beneficial for their
health
. In my mind that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sides can be more useful and better if
people
 use
correctly
Correct pronoun usage
it correctly
show examples
 to improve their
health
. The essay will be discussed both of the points and provided relevant examples.
To begin
 with, Today there are numerous
people
utilize
Correct pronoun usage
who utilize
show examples
 modern sports equipment to enhance their
health
 and to be strong.
Therefore
 they would rather attend the gyms and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 to be well-being. Indeed every person wants to be
good
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in good
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 condition.
For example
, we know that there are all kinds of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities in cities and
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 because some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 do not want to
work
 out alone.
Firstly
, They prefer to do exercises
together with
 someone.
Secondly
, they think that it is interesting and handy when they
work
 out to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fit
together with
others
.
Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
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 they are not bored with doing exercises.
On the contrary
,
others
 would rather walk and jump starts to improve their
fit
Replace the word
fitness
show examples
. They make an attempt to go to
work
 on foot or jump a long distance of the stairs
although
 they have a lift in their apartment.
For example
, one of my relatives never
utilize
Change the verb form
utilizes
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 his car
and
Correct word choice
or
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a public transport
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
. Always he prefer to attend to his
work
 on foot. Because he thinks that it helps him to improve his
health
 and environment.
To conclude
,
somes
Correct your spelling
some
 like to attend to gym and clubs to care about their condition.
While
others
 would like to go on foot and leap
staircase
Correct article usage
the staircase
show examples
 to be fitness. In my opinion, if
people
 use correctly both of sides it can help them to improve their
health
.
Submitted by dilshod333d on

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