IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
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Present one view and
then
 the other view, and
then
 present your opinion. Wild
animals
 are kept in
zoos
 all over
world
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the world
show examples
. At present,
zoos
 are a tourist attraction in many countries and need wild
animals
 to attract
vistors
Correct your spelling
visitors
. I
beleve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that wild creatures should not be kept in
zoos
 and there should be alternative ways to see them. There are many good reasons for having
zoos
 in our cities. Most importantly, they attract tourists and make money for
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. Visitors get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to see wild
animals
 that they would not see unless they travelled far away. Rare species, like Chinese panda,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Indian tiger, or African rhino
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, are endangered and if we had no
zoos
 they would die.
Zoos
 care for these aminals and give us
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to see them.
Therefore
, we cannot underestimate
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 educational importance of
zoos
.
However
, many people feel that wild
animals
 should be free. They should not be kept in cages and small areas in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
.
This
 is cruel
for
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to
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 animal and they often die because they
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not in
natural
Correct pronoun usage
their natural
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 habitat. We frequently see news
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 about rare
animals
 dying in
zoos
 or getting sick because
area
Add an article
the area
show examples
 is not big enough or suitable for wild
animals
 like lions or polar bears.
Also
, these
animals
 are unhappy and sometimes attack humans. Caging wild
animals
 is unhealthy for the
animals
 and is cruel. Both views put forward valid points,
however
, I strongly believe that
zoos
 are no place for wild
animals
. If
animals
 need to be cared for, they should be looked after in
theier
Correct your spelling
their
 natural habitat in game parks or wildlife reserves.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
Government
 should look after the precious wild
animals
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their country and should close down
zoos
 that profit from them. In conclusion,
although
 people believe that
zoos
 are good places to keep wild
animals
 because they can earn money and educate people, I feel that we do not need
zoos
 anymore. We can look at wild
animals
 on the internet and we can feel happy knowing that they are free.
Submitted by ipja13 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
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