Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be dome to reverse it?

Currently, the government is paying more attention to improving social welfare like healthcare for citizens though, the general
health
condition is not quite
good
Rephrase
as good
show examples
as we assumed. Multiple factors including technology and ignorance result in
this
. After identifying problems, the solution could come to our minds. First of all, advanced technology enables the public to do fewer physical movements to achieve the same goal as before, which is one of the most essential and objective reasons. Elevators ,
for instance
, are almost everywhere. In the past, we needed to walk and lift our own weight to a higher floor, probably consuming 30 calories per time and it could help activate the lower muscle group.
However
, it is totally avoidable now. So apparently, not moving is weakening the body and
consequently
threatening the
health
.
On the other hand
, we should
also
take into subjective matters account
such
as ignorance about working out. The busy work hugely occupies their personal time and deducts their passion for exercise. As far as I observed in many developed countries, the younger generation is always on the opposite of being healthy where they prefer making full use of any second of lying down before something serious happens to their physical body which could remind them of the importance of well-being. Actions should be taken immediately to reverse it. From a general perspective, the government could make policies on sport education for teenagers
such
as some compulsory courses. Once they know the benefits of working out and being healthy, they are pretty persuasive
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
families involved as well. For those out of school, they need more encouragement and inspiration.
For example
, more
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
experience sessions should be organized for adults like football and rugby, to help the crowd raise a habit in sports so that their
health
conditions will be gradually freshened. In summary, Rome was not built in one day. Becoming unhealthy isn't an accident but accumulated progress.
Accordingly
, shifting it to a good direction isn't an easy thing either. It asks for our consistent efforts to make people aware of the importance of physical
health
.
Submitted by wynton2020 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear position. Expand on the reasons for declining physical health in developed countries and propose more specific and realistic solutions to reverse the trend.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the essay more logically. Ensure there are clear topic sentences for each body paragraph, and use cohesive devices to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

Your opinion

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