IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the idea of reduce
time
 in the working
week
 and increase the rest
time
 at the
weekend
. I partly agree with
this
 viewpoint because I think employees should have more
time
 to relax and balance between
work
 and family.
To begin
 with, there are two reasons why the working
week
 should be shorter and workers ought to have a longer
weekend
. First of all, the worker may spend more
time
 with their families and their personal life. A longer
weekend
 allows workers more
time
 to rest, pursue hobbies, and spend
time
 with family.
As a consequence
, they can balance their life between
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and family.
Secondly
, the worker's performance may increase because they have enough rest
time
 and reduce stress. Reduced
work
 stress and burnout are significant mental health benefits, as employees have more
time
 to recharge and decompress.
However
, some individuals argue that a shortened
work
week
 isn't universally applicable
due to
 the challenge of maintaining continuous operation. Certain industries, like healthcare and emergency services, require staff to be available 24/7. In these sectors, a compressed
work
week
 could disrupt critical services and potentially compromise patient care or public safety.
For instance
, a hospital with a reduced
work
week
 might struggle to maintain adequate staffing levels in vital departments, leading to longer wait times or overworked personnel.
Similarly
, emergency responders might face challenges ensuring consistent coverage across all shifts if their
work
week
 is shortened. In conclusion, many people are worried about the challenge of operation in emergency jobs including the army, security, healthcare, etc. I still agree that workers need to have a longer
weekend
instead
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 longer working
week
, since when the working
week
 is shorter, employees use break
time
 at the longer
weekend
 in order to reduce stress.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could be more concise. Instead of saying 'partly agree,' you might want to start with a strong statement outlining your position more definitively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a country or company that has successfully implemented a shorter work week.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition, especially in your conclusion. Restate your viewpoint using different words for a more sophisticated touch.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the other hand' can help make your argument flow better.
task achievement
You have a strong argument for both sides of the discussion, demonstrating a balanced view.
task achievement
Your essay covers several important aspects of the topic, including work-life balance and mental health, which are highly relevant.
coherence cohesion
The layout of your essay is logical, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: