IELTS essay, topic: Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Museums are classic depictions of great history. Entrance fees are made compulsory in most of these places,
while
a few do not charge any.In
this
,essay I will be addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of collecting money from visitors and explaining why the latter outweigh the former. A few merits of
this
tradition have been outlined.When the organisation
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
interviewed about the incentive behind the pass money,they mentioned a few.One
such
important is the contribution to the maintenance of the great buildings,
sculptures
Correct word choice
and sculptures
show examples
and mostly for the staff salaries.
Therefore
, the museum would be able to make some part of the expenditure
Rephrase
rather
show examples
than solely depending on the funds.
Secondly
, these places are often overcrowded which is a big hurdle to face for workers. Having payment would help control the flow. One of the biggest disadvantages of
following
this
trend is affordability which means only a few people are able to access the historic building
due to
financial issues.As per research conducted by history degree holders, on having entrance fees out of 150 people who wanted to go in, only 80 could pay the visit .Another reason is these places are the platform to educate the students in the past as they have a great collection like swords, shields, sculptures, the layout of great buildings and many more. Charging education is a crime morally and ethically.They are turning commercial.
To conclude
,though the collection of money has its pros, they are outweighed by the demerits.,
Instead
museums can collect only a small amount which is affordable for most people. \
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task response
Make sure to fully address the advantages and disadvantages of museums charging for admission. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to clearly introduce the topic and summarize the main arguments.
task response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of museums charging for admission.
task response
Good use of examples to support the points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fees
  • Revenue generation
  • Facilities
  • Exhibits
  • Maintenance and preservation
  • Artifacts
  • Exclusive exhibitions
  • Temporary exhibitions
  • Overcrowding
  • Equitable access
  • Discounted rates
  • Educational experience
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