IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#process #sugar #cane
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The diagram illustrates the full
process
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 by which
sugar
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 is produced from
sugar
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cane
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
diagram
Add a comma
,diagram
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 the
process
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 of producing
sugar
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cane
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 define into seven stages. In the first step, it has been seen that the
sugar
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cane
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 cultivation
process
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 initiate by sowing seeds into land which is later grown within a 12 to 18 span of time. After which in
second
Correct article usage
the second
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stage
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 harvesting
process
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 get commenced when
sugar
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cane
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 ripened. In
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
process
Add a comma
,process
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 man-forces and machinery were used.
However
Linking Words
, in
third
Correct article usage
the third
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stage
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sugar
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cane
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 can be
crush
Wrong verb form
crushed
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 by using a machine which has two wheels and making
juice
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 which
store
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is store
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 in a box. After that purifying
juice
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process
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 started by filtering
juice
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 from
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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 filter.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the fifth
stage
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 make a syrup of
juice
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 by heating it
on
Change preposition
at
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 a certain amount of temperature. Over the course of
next
Correct article usage
the next
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stage
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 separate
sugar
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 crystal
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 syrup
by
Change preposition
with
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 the help of
roller
Correct article usage
a roller
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 machine.
Lastly
Linking Words
, drying and
cooling
Wrong verb form
cool
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sugar
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cane
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 and store them in a container.
Submitted by msulemanm9 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane, stage, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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