IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#process #sugar #cane
The diagram illustrates the full
process
 by which
sugar
 is produced from
sugar
cane
.
Overall
, in
this
diagram
Add a comma
,diagram
show examples
 the
process
 of producing
sugar
cane
 define into seven stages. In the first step, it has been seen that the
sugar
cane
 cultivation
process
 initiate by sowing seeds into land which is later grown within a 12 to 18 span of time. After which in
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
stage
 harvesting
process
 get commenced when
sugar
cane
 ripened. In
this
process
Add a comma
,process
show examples
 man-forces and machinery were used.
However
, in
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
stage
sugar
cane
 can be
crush
Wrong verb form
crushed
show examples
 by using a machine which has two wheels and making
juice
 which
store
Add a missing verb
is store
show examples
 in a box. After that purifying
juice
process
 started by filtering
juice
 from
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter.
Moreover
, in the fifth
stage
 make a syrup of
juice
 by heating it
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a certain amount of temperature. Over the course of
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
stage
 separate
sugar
 crystal
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 syrup
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
roller
Correct article usage
a roller
show examples
 machine.
Lastly
, drying and
cooling
Wrong verb form
cool
show examples
sugar
cane
 and store them in a container.
Submitted by msulemanm9 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane, stage, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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