The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

#process #sugar #cane

The diagram illustrates the full

process

by which

sugar

is produced from

sugar

cane

Overall

, in

this

diagram

Add a comma

,diagram

show examples

the

process

of producing

sugar

cane

define into seven stages. In the first step, it has been seen that the

sugar

cane

cultivation

process

initiate by sowing seeds into land which is later grown within a 12 to 18 span of time. After which in

second

Correct article usage

the second

show examples

stage

harvesting

process

get commenced when

sugar

cane

ripened. In

this

process

Add a comma

,process

show examples

man-forces and machinery were used.

However

, in

third

Correct article usage

the third

show examples

stage

sugar

cane

can be

crush

Wrong verb form

crushed

show examples

by using a machine which has two wheels and making

juice

which

store

Add a missing verb

is store

show examples

in a box. After that purifying

juice

process

started by filtering

juice

from

limestone

Correct article usage

a limestone

show examples

filter.

Moreover

, in the fifth

stage

make a syrup of

juice

by heating it

Change preposition

show examples

a certain amount of temperature. Over the course of

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

stage

separate

sugar

crystal

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

syrup

Change preposition

with

show examples

the help of

roller

Correct article usage

a roller

show examples

machine.

Lastly

, drying and

cooling

Wrong verb form

cool

show examples

sugar

cane

and store them in a container.

Submitted by msulemanm9 on Tue Jun 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane, stage, juice with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

166 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Many students find it is harder to study at university or college compared to when they were in grade school. Why is this? What are some possible solutions for this problem?

The pie chart below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and bar chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001.