IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is better to live away from home during college education than to stay with your parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#home #college #education #parents
It is argued that good for students to stay away from their families through tertiary education. I totally agree with the statement, I
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
this
 trend can educate young
people
 valuable skills for their personal and professional life. To
beign
Correct your spelling
begin
 with ,there are several reasons why I
belileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that young
people
 who
study
 university away from their
parents
 can gain useful
epxerience
Correct your spelling
experience
.
Firstly
, young
people
 will become more independent and responsible about their life
instead
 of depending on their
parents
. To illustrate, they learn
cooking
Change the verb form
to cook
show examples
,
washing
Wrong verb form
wash
show examples
, pay bills of electricity and rent
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
campus or housing.
Furthermore
, youth
people
 can concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studying and are more likely to achieve better performance in their college .
This
 is because they
away
Add a missing verb
are away
show examples
 from conflicts of families ,which means less stress and anxiety.
Secondly
, students who
study
 higher education away from
families
Correct pronoun usage
their families
show examples
 can gain adaptability.
In other words
, they can become flexible to life in any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 without any problems
such
, feel isolated,
Correct word choice
or depression
show examples
depression
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
, which can
helpful
Add a missing verb
be helpful
show examples
 for their future career, because some jobs require
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 who can travel from
place
Correct pronoun usage
one place
show examples
 to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
.
For example
, in order to join
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the Amazon company should have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to work in any location
such
 as remote areas,
rural
Correct word choice
or rural
show examples
 areas.
Therefore
, young
people
 who
study
 away from their
parents
 can
develpe
Correct your spelling
develop
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 skills , which help them to get better jobs opportunity. In conclusion, I strongly agree that youth who decide to
study
 tertiary education away from their
parents
 can improve many skills including,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of
independently
Replace the word
independence
show examples
as well as
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
, and
flexbility
Correct your spelling
flexibility
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: