Some people believe that parents have great influence on children's growth, but others think that influence from the outside plays a more important role. Discuss both test views and give your own opinion.
Nature versus nurture has been a huge debate topic among psychologists for decades, it concluded that our psyche is a mix of both, which ultimately brought another question to light: what aspect of our environment has the broader impact, our primary caregivers, or the environment we get exposed to
?.
In Change the punctuation
?
this
essay, I will present the two aspects, and follow them with my personal point of view.
To begin
with, Many studies over the last
century highlighted that the influence a parent has over their kids is unparalleled, especially regarding emotional attachment style. For instance
, if a baby gets his needs met by his parents, he will most likely grow up confident and have a secure attachment to other people in his life, if not, he will be disorganised emotionally in his future relationships.
However
, the counterargument to this
view is the studies that were conducted on twins, who grow up with the same parents and receive nearly the same treatment, they grow up to have completely different personalities, which are largely influenced by their experiences such
as school, friendships, and career choices. In one case study, a twin who grew up in an abusive household with an alcoholic father,
ended up walking the separate paths, one suffered from similar addiction issues to his parent, and the other is a psychiatrist and activist in the field of combating alcohol. Remove the comma
apply
Although
their childhood trauma is still undeniably evident in their life choices, their reactions to it differ widely.
In conclusion, I generally believe that both parents and the larger environment have implacable effects on our development, the extent of each of them is quite unmeasurable, as it is a very subjective matter and is affected by personality and other factors. I suggest that we shift the question to how we ensure that all kids get exposure to a
loving Correct article usage
apply
surrounding
to maximize their chances of growing to their full potential.Replace the word
surroundings
Submitted by maryamansour11 on
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Task Response
While you provided a clear response to the task, your argument would benefit from being more structured. This would include clearly defining your main points and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear purpose. Consider spending a bit more time planning your essay before you start writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, although your ideas were generally well-connected, some transitions could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices can help to logically connect ideas and arguments, making your essay easier to follow.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both views of the discussed topic thoroughly and provides your opinion clearly at the end. This fulfills the task response requirement quite well.
Task Response
You provided relevant specific examples, like mentioning studies on emotional attachment and twins, thereby effectively supporting your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a good logical flow with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing different perspectives, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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