IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #phone #smartphone
The development of social
networks
 has changed individual relationships and communities. The author of
this
 essay believes that the benefits of sharing your feelings or thoughts and easily contacting outweigh the drawbacks of being scammed by bad
people
. One of the most important must be mentioned is that you can share your feelings or your opinions quickly by using social
media
.
This
 is
also
 the most useful function of social
media
, you can write a blog or status and
this
 can be attached with videos or images to share anything you want, it just takes you a few seconds and your blog can be seen by many
people
.
As a result
, it will connect
people
 in the world and you will have more chances to meet and make new friends when you use social
networks
. Take Instagram as an example where you can see other personal pages and post your image so other
people
 can see it. Another advantage that social
media
 can bring us is that
people
 can use it to contact other
people
. Many social
media
 provide us services that we can chat or call easily, which could be useful for
people
 in a family or for your friends, they can connect with others. Facebook is one of those kinds of social
networks
 it has Messenger for chatting and calling, it
also
 has video calls and all of those are free.
Besides
 that, there is a drawback of bad
people
 can scam you.
In other words
, there are a lot of
people
 who pretend to a nice
people
 and want to make friends with you, after a long time, when you trust that person they can scam something like your money, credit card or social
media
 account. I think that
people
 can have some skills to be more sensitive to strange
people
, we must know who can be a good friend.
Subsequently
, you should not be too trusted with someone whom you meet on social
media
To conclude
, the rise of social
networks
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 the benefit of contacting and sharing with others easily outweighing the drawbacks of being scammed
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task achievement
To enhance your score in task response, ensure that you fully answer the question. This includes addressing both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way, clearly stating whether the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages, and providing a well-developed argument for your position. You should also avoid general statements and aim to thoroughly elaborate on each point with specific details and pertinent examples to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logical structure where ideas naturally flow from one to the other with clear, well-planned paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively and ensure that pronouns reference clearly to avoid confusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea around which all sentences are oriented. Finally, ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay, respectively, reinforcing your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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