IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that if an individual behaves in an anti-social manner, such as committing a crime, then society is to blame. What are the causes of antisocial behavior? Who do you think is responsible?

#people #manner #crime #society #behavior
There are people who think that if a person behaves in an anti-social way,
such
 as committing a crime,
then
 it is the fault of
society
.A person becomes a criminal
due to
 various reasons,lack of attention from
parents
 in childhood,
orphaned
Correct word choice
or orphaned
show examples
 abandoned
children
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 are some examples of some causes behind
this
 type of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.I am convinced that
this
 is partly
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of
parents
 and partly
society
. Nowadays,in most of the
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 young adults have to attend school every day.
Children
 spend more time socializing outside of their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
.A great number of
parents
 are
also
 working 5 days a week.
That is
 why they do not have enough time to put attention to their
children
 and help them with what they need.In
this
 case,teenagers are going to hang out more in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
groups that are not a good influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.In the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 it can lead to
ati-social
Correct your spelling
anti-social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 because they will take an example from the wrong people. Another reason is that the government usually does not help orphans to integrate
in
Change the preposition
into
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.Orphaned
children
 do not have
parents
 or anyone else to help them and in
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 they are left completely alone without any support because
society
 does not provide any help and most of the time just abandon them.Those
children
 are more likely to stay unemployed and get involved in gangs or terrorist groups. In conclusion,I believe that anti-social manners are the responsibility not only of the
society
that is
 not helping orphaned
children
 to grow up in a safe environment and help them out in the future but
also
 the families that raise
children
 without the attention they need and leave them by themselves
Submitted by maat2074 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Anti-social behavior: Actions that harm or lack consideration for the well-being of others.
  • Norm: A standard or pattern, especially of social behavior, that is typical.
  • Unstable family environment: A family situation that lacks consistency and safety.
  • Socioeconomic factors: Aspects related to economic activity and social position, such as income, education, and employment.
  • Peer pressure: The influence from members of one's peer group to behave in a manner similar or acceptable to them.
  • Desensitize: Make someone less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty, violence, or suffering by overexposure to such images.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: