IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think traveling abroad is necessary while others think that is not necessary because TV and the Internet can give the same information. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The debate about whether it is
elemental
Correct word choice
important
show examples
 to travel
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other foreign countries or
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not necessary
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
 to public could get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar
information
Use synonyms
 from social media.
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
. On the one hand, abroad trip experience is an indispensable part
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the international tourism production designer, which
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
international
Add an article
an international
show examples
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 to
obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
show examples
first -hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 to design reasonable tourist
route
Fix the agreement mistake
routes
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
international
Correct article usage
an international
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 travel agency
reporting
Replace the word
reported
show examples
,
80
Correct word choice
that 80
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%
excellent
Change preposition
of excellent
show examples
trip makers
Add a hyphen
trip-makers
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist attractions by themselves to collect the local
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 from every aspect of local life. It is
elemental
Add an article
an elemental
the elemental
show examples
 requirement for these positions that could ensue to create a rational and attractive production with spectacular views
as well as
Linking Words
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
all-around to evaluate the rationality rather than
analysis
Replace the word
analyse
show examples
 the
information
Use synonyms
 from exaggerated social
medial
Replace the word
media
show examples
 advertisements to cause these designer
Fix the infinitive
to loss
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their accurate judgment on the production design.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ordinary people who do not need to engage in in-depth research
which
Correct word choice
and
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 want to know some
foreigner
Replace the word
foreign
show examples
 cultures
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 mass media,
that is
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 way compared
Change preposition
to traveling
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad.
For instance
Linking Words
, the tourist
custom
Fix the agreement mistake
customs
show examples
resaerch
Correct your spelling
research
reporting
Replace the word
report
show examples
 in 2024,
saying
Wrong verb form
says
show examples
 that most public
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
modern
Change preposition
of modern
show examples
 TV or internet programs for other nations, It objectively and timely
introduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
introduce
show examples
 the tourism characteristics and culture of other countries, allowing for
quick
Correct article usage
a quick
show examples
 understanding of their history without the need for travel. in my opinion, I am more inclined towards the former. Personally
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 can provide a deep experience of local culture. in summary, If there is a need for
in-depth
Add an article
an in-depth
show examples
 experience of culture, it is unquestionable to be there
byself
Correct your spelling
myself
However
Linking Words
, for ordinary people, the mass media in today's society can
also
Linking Words
 provide effective
information
Use synonyms
 for the vast majority of people to learn.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly introduce each main point in your paragraphs, and link them back to the main question of the essay.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your ideas clearer to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling. Some sentences are hard to follow because of mistakes.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion at the end, which is a good way to finish the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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