Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays
according to
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the world keep improving, some adolescents enjoy using their phone all day long become a habit. In my opinion, it can be received a much positive development when they use social media properly. Our ground turns into an IT world lately
thus
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we need to follow the recent trends as much as we can. One of the reasons why many children cannot stop using their phones is they can find lots of information and entertainment more easily. As an example, during
pandemic
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a pandemic
the pandemic

The noun phrase pandemic seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, most of the in-person classes are changed
into as
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to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun learning in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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remote learning which
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do

It seems that the verb does does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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not need to go outside to learn their study through the
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet

The word internet doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. Not only children but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

toddlers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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addicted to watching some videos
from
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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YouTube Chanel and some adolescents become gamers undoubtedly. Despite there are some negative effects on us, there can be beneficial for those who can manage their time equally. Studying
from
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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online may reduce wasted time
instead
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of going outside to attend classes as before.
In addition
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, learning
secondary
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a secondary
the secondary

The noun phrase secondary language seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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language can be improved a lot
from
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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watching some related clips.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the brain of a child who is about 4 or 5 years old
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends

It seems that the verb spend does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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many hours every day on his phone watching English nursery songs which guided children to count the numbers,
colors
Change the spelling
colours

The spelling of colors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, and the names of various animals is at another level rather than a boy who does not watch anything. In conclusion, we can easily find
value
Replace the word
valuable

The word value doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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things
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as recent trends and study materials as well on using internet through the electronic devices. We cannot reject there are multitude amounts of benefits
due to
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

its multifunction.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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