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Writing Samples
Band 7

Social media helps people to keep in touch with friends and stay on top of news and events. Do you think the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? topic in blood?

#media #people #touch #friends #news #events #topic #blood
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Second paragraph: Disadvantages Despite of those advantages
this
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media
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 has some disadvantages that make us to control the bad
effects
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 of it to our healthy or our life style.
According to
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 recently reaserches: child and teenagers that use these applications, can't focus easily on their lessons or important goals of their life and it is hurmful for them. The children and juveniles who spend more time in
this
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 spases, during the time, became more anxious ,پرخاشگر, and more alone rather than another child of that age group. The students who spend many times of a day with
this
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media
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, usually were faced with morality difficulties in their character what effect their feathers. Some of them were addicted to social
media
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 or maybe learned some things that was not suitable for their age. So it can hurt their mental or national rythem of their growth.
Thus
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 some of the scientists, psycologysts, teachers teorisians, parents and tuitters of kindergardens believe that
this
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 space and these systems are hurmful for some low age persons, and most of all for students. And it
effects
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 directly on children growth and it can change the national pattern of high quality of their night sleep and daily focus. At least: though there are some bad factores in use of
this
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 space and social
media
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, but it is very useful in these days and we can mention thousands and thousands good things that it presents to us .It
effects
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 very deeply on human life, science and knowlages. And we can control bad faces of
this
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 to آسیب پذیر persons.
For example
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 some parents teachers, twitters and etc who has responsibility for children and juveniles, must to limit use of social
media
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 for them until they can keep feature generations from bad
effects
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 of that.
Submitted by mahsa_hasanikousha on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical structure. Make sure each point flows naturally to the next.
task achievement
Your essay should include clearer main points and relevant, specific examples to support them.
coherence cohesion
Improve your sentence structure to make your writing clearer and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive and redundant phrases to make your essay more impactful.
task achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of social media, which shows balanced thinking.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well and offers a solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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