IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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The government plays an important role in supporting
education
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. I completely agree with the idea that it is just as important for the government to support the
education
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 of illiterate
adults
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 to be able to read and write,
then
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 the funds should be invested in
this
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. On the one hand why
education
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 of
adults
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 is important in society.
Firstly
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,the
adults
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 would directly affect a country's development, the corporation needs
people
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 to create wealth and the factory need worker to contribute to their workforce They
also
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 need knowledge to support.
Secondly
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, a country needs funds to support development, and the finances come from taxes.
Finally
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, they will bring a prosperous future for the country, The technological progress, especially in the field of artificial intelligence, cannot be realized if
people
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 are not literate.
Therefore
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, greater progress and development will only be possible if Governments prioritize the
education
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 of young
adults
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.
On the other hand
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, the progress of a nation depends on how the next generation is raised.
This
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 is because adolescents, who have not yet been exposed to society and do not have to worry about making a living, have enough time and opportunities to learn professional skills.
In other words
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, since candidates for professional jobs have to spend a long time studying and receiving proper training, investing in the
education
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 of adolescents is a must in order to produce future professionals
such
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 as doctors, nurses and scientists.
In addition
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, a well-trained workforce will allow a variety of businesses and industries to flourish, facilitating international trade and the upcoming growth in wealth. In conclusion, it is fundamental that there is a majority of well-educated
people
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 in society, and governments should not only focus on the
education
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 of young
people
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 but
also
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 allocate a special budget for literate
adults
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 who cannot even read or write. In my opinion,
education
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 for both groups is equally important.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is fairly strong, with clear separation of ideas into separate paragraphs and transition of thoughts. However, some thoughts seem to be placed abruptly and could have had smoother transitions. Practice connecting thoughts and ideas in a more logical way.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps encapsulate the content of the essay. The writer has provided a holistic coverage of the topic, both discussing why governments should invest in adult and youth education.
lexical resource
While the essay has a good range of vocabulary, I noticed some instances where certain words were repetitively used. You are advised to enrich your lexical resource. Try to use synonyms or paraphrase your sentences to diversify your language usage.
grammar
Grammatical structures are generally accurate, with only occasional minor errors. However, you should avoid long, complex sentences that can sometimes lead to grammatical errors or unclear ideas. Practising simple and compound sentences could help avoid such grown-up errors.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
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