IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
It is true that
children
 spend much of their
time
 playing with the
last
 technology devices.
While
 some people argue that there are many negative benefits of
this
 trend, I would argue that the advantages more than compensate for any disadvantages. On the one hand, there are two serious drawbacks when
children
 waste their
time
 playing video games or using the Internet.
Firstly
, those habits lead
children
 to less communication and become a sedentary lifestyle, which those games encourage.
This
 means that
children
 do not have
time
 to do exercises that are necessary for adequate development and make interaction with other people.
Secondly
, spending much of their spare
time
 on their computer or mobile phones is another reason that causes health problems for youngsters.
For example
, if they keep their eyes glued to the screen and consoles for hours on end, they may suffer symptoms of poor vision.
On the other hand
, I support the view of those who believe that the benefits are more significant than
such
 disadvantages. The most one is that
children
 now have a range of choices to enjoy their free
time
 rather than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. In
this
 case, the new technologies enable
children
 to broaden their knowledge through interactive software.
For instance
,
children
 may expand their understanding of wildlife by watching the animal world channel
instead
 of updating information through radio or traditional newspapers. Another consideration is that the Internet not only provides
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countless useful material with few clicks,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
also
 supports
children
discover
Fix the infinitive
to discover
show examples
 friends in any part of the world by using chat rooms and social networks
such
 as Facebook or Tweet.
As a result
, the new technologies both enhance
children
’s self-study and promote young people to develop a wide circle of virtual friends. In conclusion, I argue that the advantages of
this
 trend are more crucial than the disadvantages.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: