IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

A 14-year-old young who seriously damaged school was made to clean streets as a punishment. Do you think young criminals should be sent to prison or there are alternative forms of punishment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#school #streets #punishment #criminals #prison #alternative #forms
In today's world, one of the most concerning issues is the teenagers' crimes and punishments.
Although
 it is predominantly argued to condemn young people in trials to spend some time in prison, I contend with
this
 view, and I think they should be penalized by doing some sort of social and environmental jobs. In
this
 essay, I will discuss some of the reasons for
this
. The first reason is that adolescents have not reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
maturity and their physical and mental structures are still developing. What I mean is, a number of them, who are accused of committing a crime, are not fully aware of the consequences of their actions and might
conducted
Change the verb form
conduct
show examples
 many of these as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 to satisfy their
curousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 and excitement.
For instance
, devastating a part of the school by meddling with
labratory
Correct your spelling
laboratory
 chemical compounds or
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 activating some reactions. The second point is they may become beneficial in some social assistance.
In other words
, the government can take advantage of their ability and hire them in some organisations.
Consequently
, they can spend their penalty time serving society and authorities. Cleaning avenues and collecting litter from nature is a good illustration of
this
 which can be an excellent experience for youngsters to learn from their mistakes and reconsider their actions.
To sum up
, a myriad of events could occur to deceive a child into committing a crime.
However
, the most significant thing is that they should not be kept in jail as a punishment,
instead
 children should be fined by doing a plethora of substitute responsibilities which may be a win-win situation for both the guilty one and the government.
Submitted by omidateur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: