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Writing Samples
Band 7

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this is outweigh the disadvantages?

#demand #gas #oil #sources #areas #necessity
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Overpopulation is taking place so fast globally,
therefore
, the nation’s demands for fossil fuels have increased dramatically. Some people claim that it is essential to explore new sources of
energy
 in secluded zones in order to fulfil
this
 requirement.
While
 there are some drawbacks associated with
this
 issue, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, searching for new
energy
 has a myriad of benefits.
Firstly
, since using gas and oil for human consumption brings several environmental issues
such
 as excessive air pollution which leads to detrimental health problems, substituting renewable
energy
 contributes to decreasing pollution.
As a result
, the rate of respiratory disease would see a significant drop.
Secondly
, from an environmental perspective, the consumption of eco-friendly resources is beneficial not only for human beings but
also
 for all kinds of creatures in the world.
For instance
, the quality of soil would improve significantly which results in efficient cultivation and productive agriculture.
Consequently
, people have unlimited access to green resources and high-yield products which guarantee their health status.
On the other hand
, new exploration of natural resources requires a great deal of investment.
In other words
, governments should allocate a large amount of budget to searching for renewable
energy
,
subsequently
, it may impose some restrictions on nations.
In addition
, the process of digging the ground, using constructive devices and materials may have an adverse effect on wildlife habitats.
For example
, in the North Pole launching
such
 exploratory projects may lead to damage to the environmental residence of the penguins and polar bears. In conclusion,
although
 finding novel means of
energy
 generation has some demerits, in my view, its advantages in terms of air pollution decline and wildlife habitat improvement outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by shabnam.sohanian on

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task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to fully address the question prompt by directly discussing the advantages and disadvantages of exploring new oil and gas sources, rather than shifting focus to renewable energy. This will ensure a more direct and complete response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to more explicitly link your paragraphs and ideas together. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly indicate the direction of your argument at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
For developing your main points, integrating more specific and varied examples related to the topic of gas and oil exploration would strengthen your argument. Research and mention real-world scenarios where exploring new sources has had significant impacts, either positive or negative.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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