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Band 5.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
Some individuals believe that states should allocate funding in order to
support
arts
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 painters, musicians, and others think
otherwise
. In my opinion, the authorities should focus on funding crucial infrastructure
as well as
 environmental issues
instead
 of supporting
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. On the one hand, some members of society hold idea that the governments should provide
support
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. They believe the artists play a significant role to educate people worldwide about our culture
as well as
 heritage.
In other words
,
this
 can attract many tourists from
global
Change the word
globally
show examples
 to see
this
Change the determiner
this art
these arts
show examples
arts
.
For example
, numerous people travel overseas in order to attend Opera performances.
As a result
,
arts
 can
conutribute
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
This
 is because tourists will a spend considerable amount of
money
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 hotels, museums,
attending
Correct word choice
and attending
show examples
 music performances.
On the other hand
, I agree with those who argue that
arts
 should
support
 themselves and the government should spend the funds
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 vital services.
To begin
 with, the
arts
 namely , painters,and musicians should earn their
money
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 their works rather than
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the governments.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
musicians can acquire
money
 from sell
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tickets
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music performances
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 audiences.
Secondly
 , the governments should spend
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 funds to improve infrastructure
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
eudcation
Correct your spelling
education
, healthcare,
public
Correct word choice
and public
show examples
 transport
instead
 of
waste
Replace the word
wasting
show examples
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and climate change is the biggest issue
threat
Replace the word
threatening
show examples
 our life.
Therefore
, is better to
funding
Replace the word
fund
show examples
 projects to protect our ecosystem than
funding
Wrong verb form
fund
show examples
arts
. In conclusion, I totally agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lawmakers should not provide financial
support
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 creative
arts
, and should allocate
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 funds to enhance the infrastructure
as well as
 protect the ecosystem.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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