IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Write about the following topic. Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. How true is this statement? Are there any other parties that should be responsible for this?

#topic #children #lifestyle #schools #parents #parties
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently the issue has been brought into focus is
children
Use synonyms
 these days have a full
life
Use synonyms
 but they aren’t leading a healthy
life
Use synonyms
. Playing sport with
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 gradually becoming to many
children
Use synonyms
 these days. We may mention the indisputable fact that both
schools
Use synonyms
 and parents are responsible for solving
this
Linking Words
 problem. There are many reasons for the many
children
Use synonyms
 can spend sitting down
front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
 of the television or playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. For one thing,
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should spend more time
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, they could play
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 with them. For another,
schools
Use synonyms
 can organize extra-curricular activities for students. One thing which is equally important is that healthy diet. It may give rise to a number of problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 your healthy and digestive tract. Parents and
schools
Use synonyms
 should teach the
children
Use synonyms
 food which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 plenty of vegetables and fruit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
also
Linking Words
 has a responsibility to encourage people to know how to live a healthy lifestyle. They can broadcast programmes about healthy eating and responsible food habits. From what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that a healthy
life
Use synonyms
 is very important for everyone. Government must have
responsbile
Correct your spelling
responsible
 to give information to people. Parents and
schools
Use synonyms
 must properly educate
children
Use synonyms
 that they
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 lead a healthy
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: