IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently read in an advert that a local restaurant was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant’s manager. In your letter: explain that you would like to apply for the job give some details of any relevant experience that you have specify the days and times that would suit you.

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Dear Sir / Madam, I would like to write
this
Linking Words
 letter regarding a part-time job position. My name is Jiwon and I have been working as a waiter in a Korean restaurant in Melbourne for 3 years. My many duties are delivering food to customers and explaining Korean cuisine. Before I came to Australia, I used to be at KFC as a hall staff for 2 years in Seoul which is my home town. If I can join your team, I would like to start my shift on 20th April, two weeks later from now. It is because I have to
notify
Verb problem
apply
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apply
my
Change preposition
for my
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 job to leave and give time to the boss to hire my replacement.
Also
Linking Words
, I prefer to get a shift of more than 20 hours but less than 25 hours. I am applying here as a student visa holder, so I only can work between 20 to 25 hours. I attached my resume and cover letter, please go through them. I hope that you will be concerned with me and give me a valuable chance to be with you. I am waiting for your reply. Yours faithfully, Jiwon Kim

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task response
Consider providing more details about the specific job duties you performed as a waiter and how they relate to the job you're applying for.
coherence cohesion
Reorganizing some paragraphs into more focused sections could enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
task response
You clearly express your intention to apply for the job and provide a brief summary of your relevant experience.
coherence cohesion
The letter is well-structured with an appropriate greeting and closing.
task response
You mentioned your availability and reasons for it in a clear and detailed manner.
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