IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employers should focus on personal qualities over qualifications and experience when choosing someone for a job. To what extent do you agree with this?

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It is argued that
business
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 owners should look for personality when deciding to recruit new
employees
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 over professional
qualities
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. I believe that both personal treaties and professionalism are important when deciding to hire new
people
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 to develop the
work
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 and build a healthy
environment
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. Personal
qualities
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 are essential to developing a healthy
environment
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. Choosing an employee with morals and ethics is important to establish a good surrounding at
work
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.
In other words
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, when
employees
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 have a good relationship with their colleagues, it becomes easy to
work
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 and communicate with each other.
Moreover
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, they
work
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 in a spirit of teamwork and
thus
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 will positively reflect on the quality of the
work
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 they do. Having colleagues who are honest and friendly has a huge impact on the
work
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environment
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.
For example
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, Google's
employees
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 are well-known as a family
business
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 rather than a company, everyone at the company puts
work
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 first place and treats each other as family members,
as a result
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, Google has the friendliest
work
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environment
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 among other corporates.
In addition
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 to personality, professional
qualities
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 are crucial for the
work
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. Employers should look for skilled
people
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 to hire as
this
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 will add more benefits to the
business
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.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 with long experience will add more to the
work
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 and use their experience to train other
employees
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, there are some types of jobs that need specialized
people
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 to understand the nature of the
work
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 and that cannot be done by only looking for personal
qualities
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.
For instance
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, NASA seeks to hire professional
employees
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 in the spaceship field to understand the nature of the
work
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that personal treaties and professional
qualities
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 should be the factors when
business
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 owners decide to recruit new
employees
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, which will develop a healthy
environment
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 add more experience to the
work
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 and ensure that the
work
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 is done in a professional way

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are logically structured. A few transitions between ideas need to be clearer.
task achievement
Try to deepen the analysis of how personal qualities and professional qualities integrate, with clearer links between points.
task achievement
Avoid small grammatical mistakes and typos to make the essay even more polished.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps readers follow your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the ones about Google and NASA, which support your points effectively.
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