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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups.
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The bar chart given illustrates the mean
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 for 8 kinds of jobs (writers, doctors, chefs, lecturers, lawyers, movie producers, programmers, and businessmen) that are used per
week
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the pie diagram shows
people
Use synonyms
's stress-related illnesses
according to
Linking Words
 the occupation. In general, businessmen spend the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 each
week
Use synonyms
 compared to the other 7 kinds of occupations but few numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 undergoing
anxiety
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 dealing with the job.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of lecturers who experience stress is the greatest
although
Linking Words
 they spend the least of time in a
week
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. Turning to the details it is evident that businessmen spend 70
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 just only have at about 11 % of
people
Use synonyms
 stressing. Meanwhile, lecturers who outlay an average of 20
hours
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 per
week
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 have the highest of
people
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 undergoing
anxiety
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 approximately 25 %.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Movie producers and doctors both of them have working
hours
Use synonyms
 exceeding 10
hours
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 per
week
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, and the amount of those experiencing
anxiety
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 as an effect of working pressure is almost 18% and 15%, respectively.
likewise
Linking Words
, in other professions, the
number
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 of
hours
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 spent by writers (45) and programmers (40) is not
according to
Linking Words
 the
anxiety
Use synonyms
 suffered from illness roughly 8% and 5% which is the smallest issue. Despite spending more
hours
Use synonyms
 than chefs, who work nearly 30
hours
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 a
week
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, movie producers have a larger total of
people
Use synonyms
 stressed (18 %) than chefs just about 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, hours, week, people, anxiety with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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