IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children’s future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #children’s #future
All parents want their children to be well-educated and be competitive in the future. Some
people
 believe that it is necessary to teach practical
skills
,
while
 others suggest that a variety of
subjects
 should be taught which is better for a student's future.
This
 essay will explain both and give my opinion. Proponents of teaching
skills
 often argue that those
skills
 will be more useful in the future compared with experiment knowledge.
For instance
, social
skills
 and communicational
skills
 are more important than knowledge most of the time in the workplace
due to
 the
high-degree
Correct your spelling
high degree
show examples
 cooperation of workers.
People
 who believe in studying more
subjects
 think that knowledge creates true value. It can not be denied that highly educated
people
 are more likely to find a better job. Simultaneously, studying particular
subjects
,
such
 as mathematics and philosophy, can gain the ability to think logically and critically. From my perspective, the benefit of useful
skills
 far outweighs the advantages of theory
subjects
. Some vital
skills
 should be taught in school,
however
, the education system ignores them and
end
Correct subject-verb agreement
ends
show examples
 up with social problems.
People
 do not know how to build good relationships, they do not know how to communicate with
people
, and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they do not know how to control their emotions. Society will be in chaos. By way of conclusion, practical
skills
 can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive impact on the young in different aspects,
while
 experiments are only attached.
Submitted by almeric923 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need further development to provide a clear overview and a strong final statement. The main points need more coherence and supporting details to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, but the main points lack clear development and relevant specific examples. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support the ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Practical skills
  • Financial literacy
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Well-rounded education
  • Independence
  • Real-life situations
  • Cognitive development
  • Broader understanding
  • Ideal education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: