IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could better spent eslewhere. What extent do you agree with this view

#people #government #money #arts #eslewhere
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Significant individuals believe that authorise is wasting funds on the
arts
Use synonyms
 and that
this
Linking Words
 money could
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 sent
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of services
such
Linking Words
 as the health and
education
Use synonyms
 sectors. I partially concur with
this
Linking Words
 statement, both are important in our big wild world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate both views
according to
Linking Words
arts
Use synonyms
 and other facilities. On the one side,
Government
Use synonyms
 should spend half the money on the
arts
Use synonyms
, People can become smart
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
,
arts
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the activity of growing the mind, there are various
arts
Use synonyms
 that massive can learn
such
Linking Words
 as Dancing, Painting, Sculpture, playing guitar/piano/band, singing, and so on, Individuals can earn the award and bright countries name on the top-notch by giving their performance,
For example
Linking Words
, In
this
Linking Words
 modern era various Exhibitions and event have come, one of them one individual participate in world champion dance, they have won and got price approximately 1 cr. On
Correct article usage
the
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side, the authorised should
also
Linking Words
 pay
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 health care and
education
Use synonyms
 services because it is
also
Linking Words
 very precious part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
developed
Add an article
a developed
show examples
 country, regarding health care
government
Use synonyms
 should provide some session regarding diet and service with checked equipment,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide some scheme on medicals
such
Linking Words
 as life insurance, pay less and get quality treatment, and many others.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 they need to work on the
education
Use synonyms
 system,
such
Linking Words
 as providing free material to students, free or half
education
Use synonyms
 fees for poor people. To be concluded,
Government
Use synonyms
 should spend half the money on the
arts
Use synonyms
 and
another service
Fix the agreement mistake
other services
show examples
 as well, so they will not waste their time and it would be helpful for them with earning awards.
Submitted by panetariyaragini78 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: