IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The number of older people is increasing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

It is certainly true that the percentage of senior
people
Use synonyms
 has increased. In my opinion, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
merits of increasing
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of senior
people
Use synonyms
 outweigh the demerits. On the one hand,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are
serveal
Correct your spelling
several
 disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increasing of
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of elderly individuals.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 problem ,
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
elderly
Correct quantifier usage
number of elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
 pressure on natural resources
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 water, food,
electricity
Correct word choice
and electricity
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, in
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 we can face
peoplem
Correct your spelling
people
problem
 of shortage in
this
Linking Words
resoruces
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 population ,means more traffic congestion as well Co2 emissions, which will
increase
Use synonyms
 the climate change and climate change.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , older
people
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 help to support from
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the
governments
Use synonyms
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
pension
Correct article usage
a pension
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 special care in
nusring
Correct your spelling
nursing
ensuring
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 or
retriements
Correct your spelling
retirement
retirements
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
perssure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 the public
budges
Correct your spelling
budget
show examples
 to the
governments
Use synonyms
 , and they can spend enough funds
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 vital services, healthcare,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would like to argue that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
proprotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
outwight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outwit
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
. To
beign
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, the most of high position jobs in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies and
governments
Use synonyms
 facilities
holded
Correct your spelling
held
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Amazon,
Apple
Correct word choice
and Apple
show examples
 running by
people
Use synonyms
 over 65 years.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have a lot of experience and skills to deal with challenges and responsibilities, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the companies to make
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of profits. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 contribute to prosper the economy of countries.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
, means more workforce
Add a missing verb
is avaliable
show examples
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
 to engage in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market.
In other words
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 can
increase
Use synonyms
 the age of retirement and encourage senior
people
Use synonyms
 to work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of taxes the
governments
Use synonyms
 can earn through
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
, and the authorities can use
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 funds to improve the crucial infrastructure, healthcare, education,
public
Correct word choice
and public
show examples
 transport.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , in
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 perspective, the upsides of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 outweigh than downsides.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
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