IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their family. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time
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While
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 family members play essential roles in the early life of their descendants regarding their characteristics and lifestyles, in my perspective, the positive impacts provoked by the time spent with peers should not be overlooked,
due to
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 the acquisition of important
experience
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 for being more independent. On the one hand, young people are able to inherit
tradition
Add an article
the tradition
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 from members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 families for unique culture being passed down to the younger generation, on top of that, they are able to get
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with certain professional areas to be more competitive compared to others.
For example
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, many doctors
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
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 up in the family, that have many relatives
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
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 in correlative professional fields,
who
Correct word choice
and
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 are able to share valuable
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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.
On the other hand
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, children who stay in
Correct pronoun usage
their confort
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confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
 zones for too long could miss the chance of gaining new
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and updated information,
along with
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 it, being
indepandand
Correct your spelling
independent
. In my perspective, it is crucial for students to study in educational institutions with peers and professional educators. It helps them to cultivate social skills and be able to deal
difficulties
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with difficulties
show examples
 by themselves. Take early education institutions in Japan as an example, children will learn essential capacities to take care of themselves, including folding clothes, using
dinning
Correct your spelling
dining
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 sets, and tidying
room
Correct article usage
the room
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, compared to at home where
eveything
Correct your spelling
everything
 will be done for them. To summarise, it is true that people in a family have
great
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a great
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 influence on their children, and could provide crucial
advises
Replace the word
advice
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 in life and future careers.
However
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, in my opinion, I tend to
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
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 the opponents who believe youth should spend more time with friends
in
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of
show examples
 similar ages and teachers on campuses to have a wide range of
experience
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 and latest knowledge.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fosters
  • Sense of belonging
  • Transmission
  • Cultural and moral values
  • Overdependence
  • Hinder
  • Social development
  • Autonomy
  • Well-rounded development
  • Invaluable
  • Emotional and moral development
  • Self-reliance
  • Diverse interests
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