IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the contemporary era, science has developed in many
fields
Use synonyms
. It is said that the most critical purpose of discovering scientific findings is that they have to help
people
Use synonyms
 live more conveniently. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to a large extent, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
, scientists have a significant role in improving
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
 by innovating new products in various
fields
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they can help the healthcare system by introducing new vaccines or offering new treatments for a wide range of illnesses.
Hence
Linking Words
, a lot of diseases might be prevented among
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will have a longer longevity, which leads to an increase in the quality of their
lives
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, technological advances have changed our
lives
Use synonyms
 recently.
For instance
Linking Words
, when scientists are focused on improving
people
Use synonyms
's living conditions, they can invent appliances which are really effective for
people
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 our environment.
Similarly
Linking Words
, these appliances can help
people
Use synonyms
 in these busy days to save time and energy.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the public has enough time to work more efficiently in other
fields
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, technology can bring happiness and satisfaction to
people
Use synonyms
 by making their
lives
Use synonyms
 easier.
Likewise
Linking Words
, they provide better conditions for our environment to be safe and be maintained for our next generations. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some
fields
Use synonyms
 in science which have the responsibility to discover the atomic bomb for military systems, it is really essential to pay enough attention to improve the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
. I recommend that the governments provide a budget for promoting peace all around the world and a situation for scientist to improve their knowledge in
this
Linking Words
 aspect.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear on your view from the start. State your position at once in the first paragraph and give a short plan so the reader knows what you will say.
argument
Do not only show good signs. Mention if some aims of science do not help life much, so you show balance.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence that links to your plan.
grammar
Use short, easy sentences. Put one idea per sentence. This helps avoid run on sentences.
examples
Use small, safe examples and explain how they help life. Do not add many new ideas in one paragraph.
conclusion
Finish with a short end that restates your view and the plan in a simple way.
content
The essay shows a clear wish to help life and health.
content
Examples of vaccines and devices are used to support the point.
planning
The ending tries to link the idea to public policy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: