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Band 6

MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE USING DRUG AND ALCOHAL AND AS A RESULT, BREAKING A LAW. WHAT ARE CAUSES OF THIS PROBLEM WHAT ARE THE SOME POSSIBLE SOLLUTIONS.

#people #drug #alcohal #law #sollutions
In the modern world, getting intoxicated is the new trend.
Therefore
, youngsters are
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 addicted and the number is ever-growing. Who should be obligated for
this
? Is it because of the government or the unattended behaviour of parents? The question is straight clear and it is immediately required to take strict actions.
Firstly
, in many parts of the world, the public authority has legalised some sort of drugs and alcohol
while
 it is not even regulated. Certainly, it attracts more consumers specifically young people who get influenced easily.
For example
, In British Columbia, weed is readily available at drug stores which has continuously elevated the count of purchasers.
Secondly
, both parents are working and they do not get time to spend with their offspring. The unattended behaviour gives them the freedom to do whatever they wish , not even restricting their alcohol.
However
, the main solution is to ban the sale of
such
 products in the market. Entirely, the government has to make strict laws and regulations to stop the sale and purchase of goods that cause intoxication. Taking
this
 into account, in India, an awareness program against drug addicts has forced the government to revise the rules in order to stop drug consumption.
Moreover
, it is true to say that children are purely the responsibility of the guardians and they should keep a regular check on their behaviour and teach them about things that are needed to avoid in life. In conclusion, higher authorities are first to be held responsible for more of the youth consuming alcohol and other similar products,
whereas
, the irresponsibility of parents is equally contributing towards the same. Before the situation gets
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
, both groups should take preventive measures.
Submitted by ramanpreetkaursetia on

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task response
Your essay addressed both the causes and possible solutions to the problem of increasing drug and alcohol use among young people. However, make sure to directly answer the questions and fully develop your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, but your essay lacks cohesive devices and the logical flow of ideas is somewhat disrupted. Use transition words and phrases to improve the coherence of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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