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Band 6.5

Robots and artificial intelligence re being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

#robots #intelligence #re #humans #workplace #impact #society
Owing to the development of science, humans now have no work to do when
robots
 and AI dominate. The writer acknowledges
this
 problem is attributed to numerous factors, leading to a negative effect on society. There are several reasons causing
this
 issue relating to manufacturing error decrease. By inventing
robots
, people can apply them for mass products that require long-term manufacturing, limiting the mistakes or accidents that can occur if using labour.
As a result
, employers can not only decline the money paying for workers but
also
 the amount for broken products, aiding them in finance sectors.
This
 trend continuously happens all around the world, especially in huge companies relating to cars, motorbikes and other vehicles, where we can solely witness a sign of humans controlling and adjusting the
robots
. Despite providing financial benefits to employers, the adverse impact of
this
 on the whole society is undeniable. With the appearance of artificial intelligence, there are no more tasks for humans, resulting in considerable unemployment rates. These people will struggle with financial burdens and end up being in harsh conditions or homeless.
Additionally
, when receiving support from
robots
, individuals can easily overdepend on them, limiting their creativity and the skills they should have gained from work experience.
Although
robots
 are generated to assist people’s lives, the situation where unemployment rates and lack of core skills are increasingly high cannot be observed as the pictures of our targeted society. In brief, the demand of employers for human error avoidance in the manufacturing process is the main cause for the replacement of
robots
 in the workforce. In spite of the advantages for the owners, the negative implications are far more undesirable.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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Introduction
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Task Achievement
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Examples
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Conclusion
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your paragraph structure for better coherence. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence where appropriate.
Topic Relevance
Your essay discusses an important and relevant issue, showing an understanding of the topic.
Language Use
You've successfully used a range of vocabulary to express your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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