IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are sufferimg from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree pr disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #sufferimg #health #food #governments #tax #pr
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 fast modern life, there is no doubt that our lifestyle affects our lives directly, and one of the most things that affect our lives is fast
food
Use synonyms
. Some people opine that government has the responsibility to reduce
this
Linking Words
 phenanomane by
impose
Change the verb form
imposing
show examples
 a higher tax on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others opine the contrary. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I stand with the first concept that believes in the necessity of
solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem because it
Correct your spelling
causes
show examples
cases
Correct your spelling
causes
show examples
 many health problems, and I will elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following
phragraphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
paragraph
,
To begin
Linking Words
 with, with
this
Linking Words
 fast busy life most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 now tend to have
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
, because they do not have time to cock healthy
food
Use synonyms
 to themselves,
therefore
Linking Words
 they find it easier to eat
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 a lot of low
qouality
Correct your spelling
quality
of
food
Use synonyms
, and it affects our health directly, which cause a lot of disease like high pressure and
dipaties
Correct your spelling
disparities
deputies
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people will not stop doing
this
Linking Words
 and eat
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 unless there is a high task on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
 why it is the government's responsibility to set a higher tax on
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 when anyone wants to eat
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 they will think many times before they decide to have a meal, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add the comma(s)
,case
show examples
 we
garate
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 consumption will reduce
at
Change preposition
by at
show examples
 least 50% because not everyone will afford the price of it.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is the main reason for many diseases,
therefore
Linking Words
 the government have to have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 plan to stop
this
Linking Words
phenonmen
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
phenomena
.
Submitted by reemalbarhomi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: