IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the
companies
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 running around the world with their well-known
products
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 have started to influence human lives more and more significantly. Some individuals worry that
this
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 trend has a negative effect on our quality of life. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because most of the interests and behaviours of humans would be controlled by these types of
companies
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. First of all, people living in different backgrounds could get used to accepting the same type of
products
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 manufactured by one company resulting in the variation of cultures gradually declining.
For example
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, the biggest furniture company, Ikea, has promoted their
products
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 in over 129
countries
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 and provided style magazines to guide customers in decorating their houses.
Thus
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, people would have a common scene at home. In short, the multiple lifestyles would vanish when enormous people rely on these
products
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.
In addition
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, it is difficult for local
companies
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 to develop, especially in developing
countries
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 because multinational
companies
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 always can provide cheaper
products
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 to attract clients.
As a result
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, the economies in the poor
countries
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 have a hard time improving.
According to
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 the reports released by WTO, 69% of global
products
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 which have an 87% GDP around the world are created by developed
countries
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. In brief, the wide variety of
products
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 from a few global
companies
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 is harmful for poor
countries
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. In conclusion, I believe that the successful promotion of multinational enterprises not only increases the speed of forming an M-shaped society but
also
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 reduces the creative style of
humans’
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human’
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 lives.

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task achievement
Your essay provides an opinion and attempts to support it, however, the development of your main points is somewhat limited and lacks depth. More detailed support and development would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by clearly introducing your main points in the introduction and developing them systematically throughout the essay. A well-defined logical structure helps the reader follow and understand your arguments better.
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