The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #curriculum

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The idea that teaching pupils physical subjects or not is more beneficial , remains a source of controversy.

While

Linking Words

others are against

this

Linking Words

statement , From my respective , I strongly agree with the view that physical

lessons

Use synonyms

that may be taught at school are useful because of some benefits , including being healthy and avoiding obesity , which we can face with . On the one hand , there are a variety of reasons for considering physical education as fruitless. First f all,

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

subject , it is important that other subjects are educated , like math and literature. So

this

Linking Words

subject may lead to illiteracy which has negative influences on individual's lives. Another drawback is to increase the number of bullying because of

this

Linking Words

way.

For example

Linking Words

, if a boy is the most powerful among his friends , he can intimidate those who are smaller and weaker than him.

This

Linking Words

means some pupils can dominate their classmates owing to

such

Linking Words

lessons

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I completely believe that

such

Linking Words

lessons

Use synonyms

are much more advantageous. Despite the practical disadvantages expressed above, the situation offers a boat of merits. The main one is that there is no other perfect solution to overcome the issue of obesity. Physical exercises can have positive impacts on people's bodies

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if the public is aware of them.

Therefore

Linking Words

, teaching physical

lessons

Use synonyms

at school is a great idea. In conclusion , it seems to me that it is better to apply the approach to improve the lifestyle of Citizens because of some outstanding points

Although

Linking Words

some insist on regarding

this

Linking Words

as incorrect.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Mon Jun 12 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays in the age of computerization and technological breakthroughs, people more and more rely on computer technology. It has become almost indispensable part of our lives, especially in communication, medicine, and transport. However, this strategy of excessive dependence has a number of disadvantages associated with safety.
5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Demography is an essential part of a society in order to manage the resources and planning for the future of a community. Nowadays, the green population form the majority of nations, this situation has pros and cons which will be discussed in this essay.
5
band
-Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both views.
A considerable amount of people commented that giving knowledge about the maths subject to primary school students should reduce,whereas many individuals said mathematics should consider foundational subject whether it helpful or not in the future time. Both the viewpoints are discussed in the further paragraphs.
7
band
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?
We are standing at the new dawn of the developing world. Therefore, there are more experiments occurred, and some people think that all experimentation on faunas is inhumane and should be banned. Meanwhile, others believe that vital scientific explorations can be made from wildlife experiments. In my opinion, there is no way to alternate experimentation on animals.
5.5
band
In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public place. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?
Recently, in many countries, smoking in the common areas is now prohibitted. It is reasonable to ask people who want to have a cigarette to leave the building. In my opinion, people should not be allowed to smoke in front of the common crowd, as it would pose huge risks to others' health, and the cigarettes also could cause fire if discarded in the wrong places.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

-Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both views.

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public place. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?