IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether, in scientific
research
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, there should be an emphasis on global
health
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 issues or on more pressing problems
instead
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.
While
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research
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 into
health
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 offers numerous benefits, I believe there are other areas that demand a higher priority. Proponents of healthcare
research
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 argue that it helps address urgent worldwide challenges and improve public well-being. Regarding the former,
health
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research
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 is crucial for addressing urgent global
health
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 crises that threaten millions of lives worldwide.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, thanks to well-funded scientific
research
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, vaccines for the disease were rapidly developed and saved countless lives, demonstrating how
this
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 field of science can effectively combat worldwide
health
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 emergencies.
Furthermore
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,
health
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 studies have paved the way for longer life expectancies by tackling previously incurable conditions. Improved treatments for many grave illnesses,
such
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 as stem cell therapies for
leukemia
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leukaemia
show examples
, have transformed deadly conditions into manageable ones, which allows patients to enjoy longer and more fulfilling lives with their loved ones. Despite the aforementioned benefits, I believe other
research
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 areas deserve greater priority
due to
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 their immediate global threats. One crucial area is the environment, particularly studies on renewable energy or sustainable agriculture, as large-scale environmental issues like climate change and pollution pose existential risks to all life on Earth. In the long run, insufficient
research
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 into these problems could lead to devastating consequences,
such
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 as food shortages, which affect everyone on the planet regardless of
health
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 status.
Moreover
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, technology should
also
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 be a major area of focus, because technological innovations have
revolutionized
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revolutionised
show examples
 various sectors, resulting in applications well beyond
health
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.
For instance
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, automation in manufacturing has boosted production efficiency and improved access to affordable products, fostering economic growth and enhancing people’s quality of life. In conclusion,
while
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 human
health
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 is undoubtedly an important area of
research
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, I believe that environmental
research
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 and technological innovation deserve higher priority, as they address challenges affecting our entire planet.

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task
Put a short plan in the start and a short wrap in the end. Say your view clearly in the intro and repeat it in the end.
coherence
Use small linking words to show how one idea leads to the next, e.g., 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
coherence
Make each paragraph mainly about one idea and add a clear sentence in the start of each paragraph.
style
Keep some sentences simple and not too long so easier to read for many readers.
content
Clear view and approach to the topic
content
Good use of examples such as COVID vaccines and climate talk
structure
Logical flow of talk from health to other areas
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • quality of life
  • non-communicable diseases
  • equitable access
  • economic stability
  • social well-being
  • renewable energy
  • existential threats
  • artificial intelligence
  • space exploration
  • diagnostics
  • treatment planning
  • holistic approach
  • comprehensive development
  • sustainable
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