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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays older people often live in retirement homes with people of their own age instead of living with their children . Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #homes #age #children #development
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On the generation of these days, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 usually prefer to stay in continuing-care communities with individuals of the same peers rather than residing with their offspring. In my opinion, I certainly agree with the statement that
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development. Aged parents tend to feel depressed and unhappy when they live with their
children
Use synonyms
. In most cases, adult
children
Use synonyms
 will be preoccupied with raising their kids and work duties
while
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 pensioners require affection and acknowledgement in order to avoid a feeling of loneliness.
For example
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, my grandmother grabbed much of my mother’s time
last
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 year because she always want to discuss issues
as a result
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 it affected her performance at work.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is always advisable for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 to spend more quality time with their mates so that they will feel happier and
active
Correct quantifier usage
more active
show examples
.
In addition
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, aged
people
Use synonyms
 are likely to get stressed and will be able to communicate with their own age. On the other side of the statement,an elderly person might be experiencing some illness disorder
due to
Linking Words
 the stress and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 during their youth days. Individuals might have great disabilities like not eating properly on their own or having difficulty
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
walking. At
this
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 stage, the assisted living facility should supply them with exclusive care in order to improve their health.
For instance
Linking Words
, back to my grandmother, she was unable to walk properly without the assistance of special walking poles and
also
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 need a regular medical routine check which was provided in living facilities.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are retired will feel more comfortable among their friends rather than living with their
children
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 who already have their family and have to dedicate more time to training their
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pauly837 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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