IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, it is easier than ever for people to travel to different places. As a result, many locations that used to be free of tourists have now become popular tourist destinations. Do you feel this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.

#people #travel #places #locations #tourists #tourist #destinations #development #answers
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Nowadays, people are keen to explore different new
attractions
Use synonyms
 when travelling, and places
there
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 were relatively unpopular before have become new
attractions
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is a positive development which can lead
promote
Wrong verb form
to promoting
show examples
 local economic interests, helping to promote cultural history, and bringing about diversified cultural exchanges. Expanding tourism could generate economic benefits for local communities,
this
Linking Words
 includes creating jobs in different industries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and increasing business opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, as the number of travellers grew, the demand for hotels, visitor centres and other types of accommodation has
also
Linking Words
 increased.
This
Linking Words
 may raise revenue for local governments through taxation and consumption.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
tourists
Use synonyms
 gain a deeper understanding of local culture by learning about natural landforms and cultural relics.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many walled villages with a long history in the New Territories of Hong Kong,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 villagers have always retained traditional architecture and custom culture. Meanwhile, Hong Kong
also
Linking Words
 has natural geological parks, and there are many special rocks worthy of becoming new tourist
attractions
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.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to conservation efforts and better management of the area, which contributes significantly to the development of local tourism.
Tourists
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 can
also
Linking Words
 create a more diverse cultural environment for the community
,
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apply
show examples
 because they bring new ideas, cultural practices and different perspectives,
tourists
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 and local people can learn from each other,
For example
Linking Words
, Hong Kong actively organizes art exhibitions
such
Linking Words
 as “Affordable Art Fair” every year, attracting
tourists
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 to come and participate. That can enhance local culture and lead to a more open and accepting society. Even
tourists
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 may cause overcrowding of different
attractions
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 and
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
traffic congestion, but their positive impact on the economy, traditional history and multiculturalism cannot be ignored. And no doubt that these tourism activities will have a continuous positive impact on society in the future.
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task response
The essay provides a clear opinion on the positive impact of increased tourism. However, it could benefit from a more in-depth discussion of potential negative consequences to achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, but some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, which can make the progression of ideas less coherent. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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