IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sugar
Use synonyms
 is an essential ingredient in almost every manufactured
food
Use synonyms
 that we can find in a grocery store. High
sugar
Use synonyms
 levels in
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks are one of the major risk factors that contribute to many chronic
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Because of
this
Linking Words
, there is an argument put forward that the
prices
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 must be increased to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 statement has some validity to an extent, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. The following essay will elaborate
further
Linking Words
 on my disagreement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
food
Use synonyms
 and drink
prices
Use synonyms
 are increased,
people
Use synonyms
 will not be able to afford any manufactured
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 includes common
food
Use synonyms
 items
such
Linking Words
 as bread, pasta, and sauces which are the essential staple
food
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in the middle class and the poor. If these
products
Use synonyms
 become expensive
people
Use synonyms
 will be left with nothing to eat.
This
Linking Words
 would increase malnutrition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and nutrition deficiency which can lead to national
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Especially, with children, they might face growth developmental issues, brain development issues, and learning disabilities.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, manufacturers would be left with a huge number of excess
products
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
 cannot afford to buy their items.
As a result
Linking Words
, it could affect the economy as well.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not completely logical to increase the
prices
Use synonyms
 of every manufactured
food
Use synonyms
 product.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can be encouraged to buy healthier foods
such
Linking Words
 as reduced
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, producers could make less
sugar
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks.
This
Linking Words
 could prompt
people
Use synonyms
 to buy less
sugar
Use synonyms
 and healthier
food
Use synonyms
. It could
also
Linking Words
 reduce the risk of chronic
health
Use synonyms
 problems in the future. To promote
this
Linking Words
 manufacturing companies and the government could lead campaigns to educate
people
Use synonyms
 on the benefits of consuming less
sugar
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can sell these
products
Use synonyms
 at an affordable price so everyone can buy healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 my essay, I reiterate that increasing the
prices
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and drink
products
Use synonyms
 is not a logical solution to the problem of ill
health
Use synonyms
 conditions.
Instead
Linking Words
, producing less
sugar
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks and encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to buy them would be more practical.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: