IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#buildings #numbers #people #styles
Nowadays, in the highly industrialized era, living standards have been enhanced considerably,
as well as
 human rights are being paid close attention.
However
, there still remains about whether we should build our buildings in traditional
styles
 or modern
styles
. In my opinion, I completely believe that building style depends on each person's personality.
To begin
 with, when the
benefits
 of modern
styles
 are taken into consideration, we clearly see that modern
styles
 resolve many outstanding issues nowadays. There is no doubt that the trend of utilization rate is growing
day
 by
day
 so
people
 need to resolve
this
 outstanding issue. Starting a modern building will resolve these problems. For more details,
people
 can set up skyscrapers or apartments with many floors meeting the need for human accommodation.
On the other hand
, building traditional houses requires a big acreage of land for
people
 can build.
Next,
in the highly industrialized era, the living standards increase
day
 by
day
 so that
building
Verb problem
apply
show examples
modern houses meet human requirements. For more details, it is well-equipped with modern technologies and these
benefits
 will make human accommodation
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more convenient, comfortable, …
On the other hand
, when it comes to the
benefits
 of old buildings, we can recognize that
this
 style has not only aesthetic
values
 but
also
 cultural
values
. First of all, begin with, the aesthetic
values
 of historic buildings. We know that culture is defined by the way of life, especially the general customs and beliefs, of a particular group of
people
 at a particular time.
Besides
 that, culture includes not only
styles
 and food but
also
 accommodation. Of course, the classic house has its beauty, and it is
also
 a symbol of each nation's culture. These
values
 have to
keep
Wrong verb form
be kept
show examples
 through time because it is national identity.
In particular
, both
styles
 traditional and modern have their
benefits
 so the building style depends on the personality and needs of each person.
Submitted by dongdangnguyensi on

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task achievement
You should aim to develop your points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations. This will provide depth to your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs better logical transitions between paragraphs. Try to make the progression of ideas clearer with linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear or awkwardly structured, which can impact the reader's understanding. Focus on structuring your sentences more clearly and avoiding overly complex phrasing.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, acknowledging the benefits of both modern and traditional buildings, which is good for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural preservation
  • regional styles
  • aesthetic value
  • intricate craftsmanship
  • stood the test of time
  • incorporate new technologies
  • sustainable materials
  • environmentally friendly
  • space utilization
  • functional design
  • open floor plans
  • access to natural light
  • versatile spaces
  • blending traditional and modern styles
  • cultural heritage
  • contemporary advancements
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