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Band 5

In your view, what is the most important thing for governments to spend money on: education, health, transportation, or something else? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#governments #money #education #health #transportation #answers
Distributing tax-payer money is an incredibly difficult task that
divide
Change the verb form
divides
show examples
 opinions. It divides opinions between people arguing that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should fund mostly
education
,
while
 others argue that most of the investment should be in
health
 or transportation. Not just that, nowadays, many people defend that the government should be minimal and most of these services should be offered mostly by the private sector. In my view, the basis of a healthy society is
education
. It is a common understanding that whenever a society is highly educated, other aspects of
this
 group will start thriving. The effect of highly educated
countries
 can be seen in history, like post-war Germany and South Korea after the 70’s. Both of these
countries
 had an astonishing increase in
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development after they increased their
education
 funding. Eventually, with
this
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development,
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
improved
health
 and transportation became a consequence.
While
education
 should be prioritized, in some other
countries
, especially the ones within emerging
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
,
health
 investment needs a high priority. Unfortunately many emerging
countries
, or
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
third-word
Correct your spelling
third-world
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countries
, have serious
health
 issues that
tanks
Correct subject-verb agreement
tank
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further
 development.
Furthermore
 solving these
basis
Replace the word
basic
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 problems should be a priority before they can evolve in other aspects. In conclusion,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 there is not a secret recipe for how the government budget should be invested. It changes greatly depending
at
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on
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 the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 reality. Despite
of
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apply
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that, in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases,
education
 and
health
 improvements always should be the main focus, because without these basic
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
 it is
mostly
Rephrase
almost
show examples
 impossible for a country to succeed.
Submitted by kx.accs on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, with clear logical structure, introduction and conclusion. However, some of the examples provided could have been more specific to support your points.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, with clear and comprehensive ideas. The relevant examples you have used effectively support your points, but more specific and varied examples could further strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocation of resources
  • socioeconomic development
  • innovation
  • public health
  • infrastructure
  • sustainable practices
  • conservation
  • equality
  • trade
  • emergency preparedness
  • safety nets
  • mitigating
  • critical thinking
  • outbreaks
  • workforce
What to do next:
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