IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #hours #consequences
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some countries working long
hours
Use synonyms
 is regarded
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 norm. Economic success resulting from long
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 comes at a price for families,
Use synonyms
people’s
Correct word choice
and people’s
show examples
 health and may contribute to higher unemployment. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 consequences are
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 grave to ignore and an effort must be made to reduce long working
hours
Use synonyms
. The most serious effect of working overtime constantly is putting
employee’s
Fix the agreement mistake
employees’
show examples
 health at risk and causing illness, early retirement or even premature deaths. When working long
hours
Use synonyms
 it is more difficult to maintain a healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, like finding time to exercise and relax. An unhealthy lifestyle increases the risk of heart disease, diabetes and
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 illnesses. Being chronically overworked can
also
Linking Words
 cause psychological problems, like burnout,
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
 or even
suicides
Fix the agreement mistake
suicide
show examples
. All these health problems can cause high immaterial and material
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 to
society
Use synonyms
. Another problem is the workforce’s limited time for social contacts and families. Long
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 do not make a very
family friendly
Add a hyphen
family-friendly
show examples
 environment.
People
Use synonyms
 may find it hard to raise children and
work
Use synonyms
.
In particular
Linking Words
, women may have to decide against working or having children. Because of long
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
, some employees will not find the time for a relationship or family at all and remain single.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
birthrates
Correct your spelling
birth rates
show examples
 are likely to fall, which can
for example
Linking Words
 be observed in Japan. A low birthrate might leave
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 with an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population and
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in many
hard to solve
Add a hyphen
hard-to-solve
show examples
 problems.
Lastly
Linking Words
, companies that require longer
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 will employ
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in total. It is obvious, that if
people
Use synonyms
 would only
work
Use synonyms
 regular
hours
Use synonyms
 more
people
Use synonyms
 would be employed
instead
Linking Words
 of some
people
Use synonyms
 being overworked and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 unable to find
work
Use synonyms
. The
society
Use synonyms
 has
pick
Change the verb form
picked
show examples
 up the bill for most of the cost of unemployment and the consequences of
people
Use synonyms
 working too much. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of long
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
exists
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 only short-term. The negative effects are a burden to
society
Use synonyms
. It would be beneficial if governments and companies understand the long-term cost and limit long
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 to short-term overflow
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by odod_aja on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: