IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950

The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950
#show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram depicts the alteration of West Park Secondary School which was
survey
Wrong verb form
surveyed
show examples
 in 1950, 1980 and 2010. In general, in 1980 the building focused on
placed
Replace the word
places
show examples
 that related to sports and hobbies.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2010 concentrated
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
enlargement
Correct article usage
the enlargement
show examples
 of the parking area. in detail, before being altered into a parking area and science block in 1980, the land was fully constructed by residential areas and farmland.
furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, parking spaces were constructed beside
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the science block in 1980.
In addition
Linking Words
, the secondary school
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
 between
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
 road and the playground which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 remained fairly unchanged.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, West Park
Add a missing verb
is concerated
show examples
concerated
Correct your spelling
concerned
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the bigger
size
Use synonyms
 of the car space after the
size
Use synonyms
 of the parking spaces. The
size
Use synonyms
 location car parking was bigger than
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 field which was smaller than
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
. The
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 resized the sport place and
playgorund
Correct your spelling
playground
. in
based
Add an article
the based
a based
show examples
 picture in 1950, which was the
size
Use synonyms
 location as same as every block and addition in 2010.
Submitted by sakinah.snr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words size with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: