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Band 7

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on study and more time on doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days
children
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 spent most of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 indoors, playing with their gadgets or working on their assignments. As
such
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, a sedentary lifestyle is becoming popular, and
this
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 may lead to detrimental health conditions in the future. To solve
this
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 problem, some people argued that parents should encourage their
children
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 to do more activities outdoors. I disagree with that statement, in my personal opinion, these young people are true should be more active physically but
also
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 should be able to allocate a balanced amount of
time
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 for studying.
To begin
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 with, learning methods have changed considerably in
this
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 modern era. Students are taught and expected to be more active and creative learners.
This
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 involves independent and group work and assignments that should be completed by the students outside the class.
Hence
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, they are expected to spend a considerable amount of
time
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 studying at home or school.
Furthermore
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, some subjects
such
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 as sciences and maths need to be explored and studied deeply in their own
time
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, in order to for them gaining a sound understanding about the materials.
On the other hand
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, lack of physical exercise is considered the culprit of various diseases including hypertension and high blood sugar, especially when it happened chronically.
Also
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, being more active outdoors may
also
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 improve the
overall
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 well-being of our
children
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. A study has revealed that physical activities have a significant contribution to a healthy mental state in young adults. In conclusion, I am not in favour of the statement that
children
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 should spend less
time
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 studying so that they can be more active physically. I believe that studying and physical activity are both important for our
children
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
therefore
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,
children
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 should be taught to spend their
time
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 indoors and outdoors in a balanced manner.

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