IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects others believe it is more important to get all their time and attention to studying for A qualification discussed both those views and give your own opinion

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Some would argue that
college
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 learners want to study other topics
besides
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 the primary course.
While
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 others say it is more essential to give all their attention to the course they sign up for. I believe that taking subjects
besides
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 the main
one
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 will open more opportunities for them in the future. On the
one
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 hand,
students
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 who think studying and focusing on only
one
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 field is better than taking other subjects. They believe that, if they take more than the main
one
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 it will lead to distraction and bad grades.
However
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, putting all your effort into
one
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 thing can lead to stress . And
as a result
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 of that, a lot of learners drop out of the university.
For example
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, colleges in Saudi Arabia, do not allow their
students
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 to take more than
one
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 subject. Because of that a lot of
students
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 decided to drop out and study abroad.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 does not make student getting better in their grades. and it has a negative impact on them during the course.
On the other hand
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, studying other disciplines
besides
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 the main
one
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 has a significant impact on pupils' lives and futures. Taking other courses might reduce the chances of securing a higher-level position in their career lives.
Moreover
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, taking classes like sports or music can lower the level of stress.
For example
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, King's
College
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 London
,
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apply
show examples
 offers
students
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 to choose more than
one
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 general
topic
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. And
also
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 a short trip.
this
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 is what makes studying at King's
College
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 exciting and joyful.
However
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, I believe that taking a general
topic
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 can increase the level of knowledge and it helps make the
college
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 years a more joyful and enriching experience. In conclusion,
although
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 focus on
one
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topic
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 might lead to anxiety.
this
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 will not help
students
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 in their career life and it will lead to a lack of education in the future.
However
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 ,by taking more than
one
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topic
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 alongside the discipline,
students
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 are more likely to achieve a broader and more advanced level.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your argument by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points directly relate to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure all your sentences are grammatically correct and flow well together. This will enhance readability and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples, especially in your points about the negative effects of focusing solely on one subject, to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the two opposing views and your own opinion, setting the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
You have made a strong case for the benefits of studying additional topics, showing a clear understanding of why this can be advantageous for students.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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