IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the best method to teach children to
co-operate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
show examples
 is through group
sports
Use synonyms
 at school.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
 I completely agree with the statement,because in hunter-gatherer societies in the past,
people
Use synonyms
 lived and hunted with
Use synonyms
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 on the caves.All these features were passed down from generation to generation. In my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 the best way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
teach
Change the form of the verb
teaching
show examples
 students to teamwork is through
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 at school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
people
Use synonyms
 are
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 and for a long time we lived in a grotto and in
todays
Correct your spelling
today
 each human behaviours are like in past.I think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creating
sports
Use synonyms
 teams are
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 way for working together.
For instance
Linking Words
:the teacher one day
given
Add the auxiliary verb
gave
has given
show examples
 me and my groupmates
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 project and
last
Linking Words
 of the lesson,
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
observed that student when
try
Change the verb form
trying
show examples
togather
Correct your spelling
together
to gather
,they
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most profitable and could solve
everythink
Correct your spelling
everything
 whatever teacher give anything.
However
Linking Words
,
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my mind,the groupmates in
Use synonyms
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 have to be in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 mind,because if any group member was think
different
Add an article
the different
a different
show examples
 idea,
this
Linking Words
 can be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time.That's why in my opinion students must be
harworking
Correct your spelling
hardworking
hard working
 and smart,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
team
Use synonyms
 can solve
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 It does not matter what is
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
.As an example:Some
people
Use synonyms
 when was been
team
Use synonyms
,they could not work togather,they often argue on some ideas and only one member can spread the group,Because of In my point of view the
people
Use synonyms
 who choosen for
team
Use synonyms
 work must be capable and at least they have to been any
team
Use synonyms
 at past. In conclude,peope think that the best way of to teach the children to co-operate is through
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 at school,I completely agree that
this
Linking Words
 is better method.
Submitted by Ayan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: