IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today's competitive world,many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work.While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income,others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence

#world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #absence
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In
this
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 competitive world, many
parents
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 are bound to go out for
work
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.
While
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 some people argue that
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children
Correct article usage
the children
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 of these
parents
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 benefit from
this
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 extra income, others contend that they lack support
as a result
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 of their
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parents’
Correct your spelling
parent’s
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 absence
due to
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 their busy working
life
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. Today’s financial condition pushes
both
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parents
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engage
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to engage
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 in jobs in
order
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 to ensure
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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 maintenance
their
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of their
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children
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. I am of the opinion that it is hard for
both
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parents
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 to avoid
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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 and so they have to find a way to keep a good balance between
work
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 and family
life
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 in
order
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 to control
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of
this
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 situation. Having
both
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parents
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work
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 outside the home can cater
various
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to various
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 problems.
Firstly
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, the most fundamental need of a child is love and care.
While
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both
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parents
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 are busy with their own
job
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 responsibilities,
children
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 might feel destitute which may translate into severe psychological imbalance.
Moreover
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, in many cases,
parents
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 fail to harmonize their family and
work
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life
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 together.
This
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 has a direct impact on
children
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’s
life
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. When
parents
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 can spend less time with their kids because of their
work
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 pressure, it would decrease interaction and that ultimately harms family bondage.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 are the model for their
children
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. They can learn good morals from their
parents
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. In
this
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 case, working
parents
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 cannot always be able to serve
this
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 purpose.
Therefore
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, the
children
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 of working
parents
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 often lack values.
However
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, I contend that
parents
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 can ensure their
children
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 a
cozy
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cosy
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life
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, if
both
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the
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apply
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parents
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work
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. They can afford to send their
children
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 to a better school, a better health care service for their
children
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, and so forth.
Children
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working
parents
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 may get whatever they want
to
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apply
show examples
. They can be enrolled in extra curriculum activities like
after school
Add a hyphen
after-school
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 programs.
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Job holder
Correct your spelling
Jobholder
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parents
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 can provide
children
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 with expensive clothes, toys and many learning materials which satisfy these
children
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 greatly. In my case, as my
parents
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 are
both
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 working, I need to do all the things myself
such
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 as making my meal or washing my own
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
.
This
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 situation makes me self-dependent and at
same
Add an article
the same
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 time I learn time management and can enjoy my freedom. I
also
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 learn that
work
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 is a crucial part of
life
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. To recapitulate,
both
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parents
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 have no option but
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 in
order
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 to bring prosperity
for
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to
show examples
 their
children
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. In
this
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 context, what
parents
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 need is to acknowledge that
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 mental and emotional needs are equally worthy as their material needs in
order
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 to
insure
Correct your spelling
ensure
show examples
 a bright tomorrow for them.
Submitted by ona.muhametaj on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: