IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Your local hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work helping at he hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter: - explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital - say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do - give details of whrn you would be available for this work

#people #work #time #type #whrn
Dear Mr Smith, The reason I am writing to you is to inform you of my eagerness to work in the hospital.
To begin
 with, I fully understand that it is unpaid and I am willing to handle
this
. I adore helping people, and I got
this
 trait from my grandmother.
Also
, It will help me to understand whether I want to be a doctor or not.
Secondly
, I would like to work with grandparents or just help doctors. I want to communicate with old people because I always have a connection with them.
In addition
, my grandmother died a year ago,
consequently
, I feel a lack of communication with older people. Talking about assistance for doctors, I just want to make an impact and ease their hard work.
Additionally
, I am able to start working as soon as possible. Especially now, because I have holidays and,
therefore
, a lot of free time. I am well-mannered and responsible. I look forward to your reply and thank you in advance. Yours Sincerely, Kseniia
Submitted by ksrnnn on

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task achievement
Provide more specific details about the types of tasks you can assist with to better demonstrate your suitability and commitment.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your motivations and experiences to offer a more complete and compelling picture of why you want to volunteer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect or idea to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transitional phrases to smoothly connect different sections, enhancing the overall flow of the letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately polite and align with formal letter conventions.
task achievement
The writing tone is suitable for the context, showing respect and eagerness without being overly informal.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph generally sticks to one main idea, aiding in readability and understanding.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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