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Band 6

The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1985 and 2015.

The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1985 and 2015.
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The chart demonstrates the changes in fitness
membership
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 gender in Thailand between 1985 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, by and large
men
Use synonyms
’s
membership
Use synonyms
 exceeded
women
Use synonyms
’s before the 2ooo year
while
Linking Words
 the opposite is right
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 year except in 2010 which had the biggest
number
Use synonyms
 of both genders. First of all, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 started at a modest
number
Use synonyms
 in 1985 was approximately one thousand. Whilst the
men
Use synonyms
 were doubled of that. The situation had not changed a lot in 1990
according to
Linking Words
 the difference between sexes
however
Linking Words
 the
membership
Use synonyms
 in both of them multiplied to become 2000, 4000 for
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 respectively. Obviously, there was another trend in 2000 when
women
Use synonyms
's
membership
Use synonyms
 overrode
men
Use synonyms
’s. in more ,details the first one was about 2800
while
Linking Words
 the second was 2800. In 2005,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there was a bit of difference between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 as both were around 2000. Five years later, the
number
Use synonyms
 of memberships of
men
Use synonyms
 jumped to 5000 which is the highest in all years but these related to
women
Use synonyms
 were a little under 3000.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least 2015, we finished with a result which was opposite to what we started.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
’s
membership
Use synonyms
 became doubled that of
men
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words membership, number, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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