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Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is often said that we should work to live not live to work. Discuss both points of views and give your own opinion.

#work #points
Some people believe that their primary purpose in
life
 is to work in order to
further
 their careers,
while
 others view work as only a means to afford their living expenses. The following essay will explore both of these points of view.
In addition
, I believe that working is necessary to sustain a reasonable quality of
life
, but it should not take precedence over other aspects of an individual’s
life
. The happiest individuals are the ones who equally cherish all aspects of
life
. Working is not at the top of their list of priorities; they merely view it as a way to fund their desired quality of
life
.
Instead
, these people pour all of their focus into gathering as many valuable experiences and delightful memories as they can.
For example
, the majority of senior citizens agree that their most valued memories are those of quality time spent with their loved ones, not the accolades they have accumulated over time. I agree that
this
 healthy mindset is essential to ensure one’s contentment.
However
, opponents may possess the belief that having a successful
career
 would lead to fulfilment. Many choose to solely focus on their future goals, and they spend all their time focusing on them.
Consequently
, they neglect their family and friends. I disagree with
this
 attitude as it can later result in feelings of regret.
For instance
, a survey regarding
life
 satisfaction conducted among elderly tenants of an assisted living facility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 revealed that the majority felt like they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 wasted their lifetime pursuing
career
 advancements. In conclusion,
while
 some may give paramount importance to the attainment of their
career
 goals, others only work to afford their living expenses. I believe it is crucial to possess the ability to effectively balance one’s
career
 with their personal commitments, in order to ensure
overall
 satisfaction.
Submitted by mona.ayman88 on

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Task Response
Well done in presenting both points of view and giving your own opinion. The essay discusses the topic effectively and provides good supporting arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-developed introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph flows logically to the next, enhancing the cohesion of the essay.
Task Response
Clear presentation of both points of view
Coherence and Cohesion
Effective organization of ideas with a logical flow

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • personal development
  • career advancement
  • fulfillment
  • leisure
  • self-care
  • burnout
  • stress
  • setting boundaries
  • professional success
  • personal satisfaction
  • harmonious balance
  • purpose and structure
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