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Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by other of the same age. This is called peer pressure. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

#people #behaviors #situations #age #peer #pressure
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Nowadays, it is debatable whether young adults are tremendously
influential
Replace the word
influenced
show examples
 by their
friends
 in terms of
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and daily life situations, which is called peer pressure. I would argue that youngsters might addicted to unhealthy substances and lessen
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
friends
, and these disadvantages far outweigh any potential
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
.
To begin
 with, one downside of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer pressure might be that
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 could lead to addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 illegal substances
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 alcohol and
cigaratte
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 smoking. To be precise, if one addicted substance friend is in their social circle, it is enough to persuade others
on using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 them.
For example
,
according to
 police reports, most
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
, below 17 years
age
Change preposition
of age
show examples
, are rehabilitated
due to
coccain
Correct your spelling
cocaine
 addiction which
first
Add a missing verb
was first
show examples
 introduced by their best friend. Another negative reason is that peer force could lessen the interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education.
In other words
, they may always
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 more willing
for chatting
Change preposition
to chat
show examples
,
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more time on phone
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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 or even
engaging
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 risk associated activities
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 swimming in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unknown
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, which ultimately
pay
Wrong verb form
leads to paying
show examples
 less attention
for study
Change preposition
to studying
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
 will tend to alter children’s way of thinking,
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
as well as
 personality to a great extent.
However
,
although
 having
similar aged
Add a hyphen
similar-aged
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 partners may bring many drawbacks, they may
also
 help to overcome
such
 bad situations. That means
interlligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
 and
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
friends
 guide their peers to perform well with more difficult subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it comes to struggling
mathematics
Change preposition
with mathematics
show examples
.
For instance
, when I was facing difficulty in some maths, all my
friends
 always supported me to overcome it and was able to higher score in final exams.
Hence
,
this
 might
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
great way to boost their skill,
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 and personality. In conclusion, even though good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with peers would make
positive
Add an article
the positive
a positive
show examples
 environment in one’s life, I believe these drawbacks greatly overshadow the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
upsides that they may tempt
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 behave poorly.
Submitted by adpremadasa82 on

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task response
Provide a clear position on whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical and coherent structure in your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Make sure to use a variety of complex sentence structures and avoid repetitive language or errors in grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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