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Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
It is quite common nowadays for
people
 to live past the
age
 of 80. In many countries, medical advancements have made it possible for the elderly to sustain life for more extended periods. Though most
people
 find
this
 a relief, others argue that
this
 phenomenon is worrisome, especially for governments.
This
 essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
 and provide justifications when needed. Retelling important aspects of history and providing wisdom are two prime advantages that
people
 of old
age
 contribute to society. Historical events
such
 as the holocaust play an essential role in a culture's upbringing, and having
people
 who have lived through
such
 monumental events is necessary for the story to be retold. Passing down these pieces of history in writing plays a vital role in educating younger generations about the past.
Furthermore
,
elders
 are
people
 with years worth of life experiences, both good and bad, which makes them wiser than younger
people
.
People
 often seek
elders
 when trying to solve certain issues, hoping their guidance can help them.
For example
, religious leaders like preachers and rabbis are usually of old
age
 as they have the required wisdom to help those in need. It can
also
 be argued that
elders
 are economically unproductive and require expensive care to care for their old
age
. With old
age
 comes health issues that hinder productivity. The government finds
this
 stressful as
elders
 increasingly expand in number despite not contributing much to the national economy.
Moreover
, as older
people
age
, they can no longer be cared for by their children and must be put in retirement houses, costing fortunes. Catering to their rigorous needs requires plenty of help from staff and experts, and most governments find that allocating funds for
this
 cause is not of significant importance;
therefore
, sandwich generations often spend a lot of money on
this
instead
. In conclusion, the benefits that the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population brings to society,
such
 as providing important historical information and spreading wisdom, must be weighed against the drawbacks,
such
 as low productivity levels and high cost of care.
Submitted by studymeterr on

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task achievement
While you outlined both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population in your essay, it is vital to ensure that your ideas are not only clear but also fully developed. Elaborate on your points with comprehensive supporting details to enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable. However, consider enhancing the connectivity between your ideas with better linking devices and a more strategic organization of paragraphs to ensure a smooth and coherent flow of arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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